Recent news from the Democratic Party has announced an new addition to the race to the presidency. Barrack O'Clinton will be making a stand in an effort to gain the democratic nod. A staunch liberal, O'Clinton's views on issues like Iraq and abortion fall in line with most democrats, but it's his controversial plan to pull troops from Iraq to occupy England that has some critics scratching their heads. In a statement made Friday morning from his home in the Mystical Forest, O'Clinton mentioned that "Those damn Brits have been controlling the Irish for centuries and if that ain't terrorism, I don't know what is."
According to his campaign manager, O'Clinton already has a substantial lead above his opponents in campaign funding due to the never ending supply of rainbows. He is also drawing support from General Mills, Harrah's Gaming and Guinness. He plans to use his own gold to put in to place Universal Health Care and to eliminate the trillion dollar deficit.
O'Clinton's bid for the presidency includes making March 17th and 18th federal holidays. The already popular St. Patrick's Day on the 17th will be followed by Recuperation Day on the 18th in an effort to make March 19th one of the most productive days during the work year.
His plan to ratify our immigration policies are touted as both radical and unbelievable. He hopes to pass the Dragon Bill which would put a dragon every 100 yards along the Mexican border to keep illegal aliens from crossing by foot. A daring move drawing criticism from his own party but garnering respect from many in the Republican party.
Supporters of O'Clinton admire his grace and jigging ability, however critics are touting him as "not Irish enough" saying he only appeals to the Irish CHILDREN and not the adults that can actually vote for him. He's also got lack of experience posing a threat to his campaign drawing his only experience as Keeper of The North Forest, some say he is underqualified. His popular flub on the campaign trail saying "have you seen the cost of buckle shoes and green bowler caps these days?" during a meeting with a group in Iowa drew some sneers and looks of confusion from his audience at O'Mally's pub. But he recovered gracefully saying "I hope that one day we ALL have the means to purchase buckle shoes and green bowler caps which is what my tax reform should put us one step closer to" and then he dissapeared.
This run for presidency has seen some interesting characters with the possibility of our first Black President, first Woman President, and now quite possibly our first Leprechaun President. Here's what the public is saying about O'Clinton:
"I think he's cute." - Karen Williams - Sales Rep - Cincinatti, OH
"I like his views on protecting the right for a woman to choose, but I'm not sure he's Irish enough for me." - Shamus O'Flannigan - Local Drunk - Boston, MA
"Who?" - Kenneth Meyers - Salem, OR
Well with the primaries just over the horizon, Barrack O'Clinton really exemplifies the choices we have in this election and hopes to cross communities to gain support from not only the drunken Irish Catholics but also the drunken hispanics, the drunken Italians and the South and all the fabulous drunks in Ohio, the state that has the potential to turn an election.
-CalexicoD
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