- I guess now I'll have to take part in some sort of women's rights protests.
- I'll have to perpetually blame Bush's position in office on "stolen elections"
- Al Gore will move from my List of the Despised onto my National Treasure and Personal Heroes list. Consequently "An Incovenient Truth" will change from a laffable propoganda film into a brilliant scientific study.
- Trees around me will start recieving their fair share of hugs
- I'll wear hemp
- I'll constantly talk about global warming, an issue I don't personally understand, but that doesn't matter because I have an amazing ability to misconstrue facts and repeat my misinterpretations as truth
- The dreds are growing in
- Showers are falling down the priority chain.
- I'm going to start paying twice as much for "Organic" stickers on my fruit.
- Right after this blog, I'm gonna look into canvas tote bags I can take to the grocery store
- I'll start buying into conspiracy theories
- I'll vote for things that will increase my taxes with the intention of helping people I've never met and nothing will change but what I owe
- I'll assume money grows on trees but then protest against the people who use trees to make money
- I'm going to start sympathizing with terrorists
- I'm getting a Michael Moore in 2012 bumper sticker
- I'll say things like "Save Darfur!" when I can't even find Darfur on a map
-Yoga and granola will both be daily requirements. Also, for the granola, I'll insist that it's a "natural" food, even though it's man made.
All in all, I guess I'm gonna be pretty stupid. I just recycled for the money and took the Prius to save money. I had to litter some styrofoam and burn a tire just to keep myself balanced.
Some news jokes:
Karl Rove announced his resignation this week. Yes that's right, the mastermind behind "Stay the Course" has decided to "Cut and Run"
Tacoma WA - A man was accused of trying to have sex with his goat. He argued that he was only trying to milk the goat. Ummm... I'm pretty sure we call that a reach around.
In the middle of an obvious mid-life crisis, former Van Halen front-man, David Lee Roth, has decided to rejoin his band mates in a pathetic attempt to come off as anything but a joke.
o Being the responsible 50 somethings the rockers are today, the drugs and booze they once had backstage have been replaced with Rogaine and Dulcolax.
o Although teacher is still hot, it’s a different kind of heat these days. Hot Flashes
The world’s oldest woman, Yone Minagawa, died this week at 114 years old.
o At time of death she went from the world’s oldest living woman, to the world’s NEWEST dead woman. Oh Yone, always setting records! (pic above is not Yone, but she is my woman on the side. BooYah!)
Steve McQueen's restored Ferrari is expected to fetch upwards of $1 million. When I get famous, my restored Prius is expected to fetch upwards of $1 thousand.
This is NOT a joke -
Those lost miners are not coming home. Until you have something other than "Nothing's Changed" to report, give me better news stories. Hold off on the mine and let me know why that bridge collapsed. I do a lot more driving than mining, as I'm sure MOST people do, so let's try to wrap up the Bridge Story instead of spinning our wheels on the mine thing.
-CalexicoD
No comments:
Post a Comment